As an ode to mothers everywhere, author Mindy Drayer pens new book titled 'Dear Mom'
As Mindy Drayer reflected on the life of her 90-year-old mother, Carm Drayer, she was driven to write a book that served as a public and worthy tribute to the person who raised her and her three siblings.
At the start, Drayer, a former WCMH-TV (Channel 4) news anchor, chronicled her mother's triumphs, devastating losses and continued fight against sarcoma cancer. (Drayer's father passed away 10 years ago.)
But as she filtered through the loving memories shared with her mother, she wanted to include other mothers who could talk about their varied experiences of motherhood.
In a series of short vignettes, contributors such as Karen Kasich, wife of former Ohio Governor and 2016 presidential candidate John Kasich, discussed the challenges with raising her twin daughters in the public eye, while Suzi Hanna talked about raising her and Jack Hanna's three daughters in a home filled with wild animals.
As Drayer worked to interweave the unique stories of large families, single mothers, parents of adopted children and everything in between, manifold heartwarming tales quickly filled the 149 pages of "Dear Mom."
Drayer, a mother of two who lives in Westerville, spoke with The Dispatch recently about the inspiration behind her newest project, and how it differed from her previous works. Her comments are lightly edited for clarity:
Question: What was the inspiration behind the book?
Drayer: I had just finished publishing my second book in December, and it was called "The King." And I really thought that was it for a while. I was done writing and I love to write. I really, really do, but I thought it takes a lot of time and you want to make everything so perfect. And then I said, "OK, I'm done for a while."
Then, everybody was coming around me and they're like, "Mindy, you need to write about your mom because she is the most inspirational person that we know." And this was reaching out far beyond just my family, but friends and people who know her. She's 90 years old ... You know everybody faces adversity, but I don't know too many people who have faced as much adversity as my 90-year-old mom.
Q: With this largely being an ode to your mother, what was it like producing this project compared with your previous two books?
Drayer: You hit it right there. I start every single chapter out with a letter to my mom. It's "Dear Mom something" — about our lives, her life, about growing up with her as my mom. I was one of four kids, and then my brother was killed when I was a freshman in high school, and my mom really lost a sibling at childbirth and just everything she's gone through. Just living 90 years, I think she has lived through like 15 presidents (and) The Great Depression. Everything she has experienced in life (she's) just faced everything head-on with the most upbeat personality and nothing can get her down.
About five years ago, she was diagnosed with cancer and it was sarcoma cancer. I never even heard of sarcoma before, but when we looked it up and researched what it was about, we understood that there's a good possibility that she could lose a limb because her sarcoma was in her arm. And right off the top of the gate, she said "I'm not losing my arm. I don't want to do that. If I was younger, I would maybe do that. I could learn how to live a little differently." But at 89 years old — when this was coming around to be a possible amputation — she didn't want to do it.
But you know what? It came down to "Give me your limb or give me your life." And we mean so much to my mom and she was not ready to give up her life yet. And because she's such a big part of our lives, she gave up her arm. And don't you know, the sarcoma came back? So, everything she's meant to me in my 53 years of life, I wanted her to know it because so many times people wait until it's too late to get to tell our parents or grandparents or any loved one exactly how important they've been in our lives. So, I wanted to make sure this was all documented and I didn't want to stop there.
I thought, Yes, this is great. People will be able to read about my mom — that's awesome. But I wanted to open it up to other moms because so many times people in life pick heroes as sports figures, entertainers or someone elite. But you know, if you look at your own parent, they're the real hero after everything they've gone through to get you to where you needed to be in life.
Q: In wrapping your head around all of the fantastic passages, what were some of your favorite entries or more heartwarming messages from others who participated in the project?
Drayer: There are so many. You know, I really love reading (about) Jack Hanna's family. I love Suzi Hanna, his wife, and (daughter) Julie Hanna because what Julie experienced with her brain tumor. ... Suzi talks a little bit about that.
And Suzi talks about what it was like to not only raise her daughters, but they brought in all these wild animals into the house. And there was one time, in particular, that's written in the book. There was a white tiger that was very, very precious to Suzi. That was her favorite .... So they brought it on "Good Morning America." So, they took this white tiger cub on a plane to "Good Morning America," and there happened to be a man standing next to Suzi and the white tiger, and he's like, "My wife is never going to believe that I sat on a plane next to a white tiger." So, Julie explains what her mom did: "She gave this man her airline ticket, and it says, White Tiger Cub, Seat 7B for the seat on the airplane." So, it was just a funny little thing and we talk about different things (such as an) animal living in your house.
Or, one of the strongest and most powerful because so many people here in central Ohio are so familiar with Reagan Tokes. She was the (21-year-old) Ohio State student who was kidnapped, raped and murdered. And it was so devastating to all of us, we couldn't believe something like this could happen to someone who was just so beautiful on the inside and out and just getting ready to graduate from Ohio State.
So, I reached out to her mom, Lisa, and she agreed to write something. And what she wrote really could've been a chapter by itself. It was so powerful and so beautiful. She wrote this on the day Reagan would've been 26 years old, but there's something very special about this birthday. Lisa can't quite put a finger on it, she's like, "There's something about the significance of it. It's stronger than the other birthdays that we have experienced without you here."
Q: With this book's release (it published in April), what do you ultimately want readers to take away from it?
Drayer: I just want people to know moms are so important, and I will be honest with you: The response I've had from the release of this book has proven how much love people feel toward their mom. ...
Because you know what? We go through life and everything that we do, we never know if it's right or wrong ... We learn from one another. And this book will help the new moms, it will help the moms who have already raised their kids, maybe even their grandkids. And I've had so many people say, "Oh my gosh, I read Chapter 4 and it was like I was reading my life. Or, "I can't believe it was described this way because of how I feel."
It takes a mom and a whole family to really appreciate love, and you don't have to necessarily have to have a child to be a mom. In a particular part, we talk about dog moms. (There are) so many people in this world who can't have children of their own, so they adopt their dog or their cat and nurture them. What it really takes to be a mom is love, and it doesn't necessarily have to be a human.
I just want people to know that this book will open people's eyes about what we experience as parents, and there are tough, tough times that we go through. But we can go anywhere as long as we open our heart, and I think that with some of these mom stories you will be amazed at the obstacles they had to go through in their life, and they did it for one main reason — their children.